Yep, We Need Fewer of Me, All Right

[kevin_standlee]

I have learned that I'm an Abusive Hugo Nazi and that the world would be a better place without people like me.

It is any wonder that even I sometimes get fed up with fandom? Yep, without people like me and the hundreds of other people who knock themselves out running things, she wouldn't have any conventions to go so, nor any Hugo Awards to complain about for that matter.

And remember, I'm one of those people who thinks that we do charge too much for Hugo voting rights, and would be happier to have the cost closer to $20 than $50! I wonder what she would make of the people who like the system exactly the way it is right now and don't see anything negative about it at all?

Maybe I should ask Chaz for some HUGO NAZI ribbons?

Comments

[dancingguy.livejournal.com]

Hi muneraven,

You're wrong. (And, you're classless. Nice job deleting my comment on your site rather than responding to it. Oh, and Kevin didn't "send me to name-call." I went over, looked around, and then commented on your behavior. Not on you, on your behavior. Here's another language lesson: me saying "All you want to do is bitch, moan, and whine" is not me calling you a bitch, it is me pointing out that you are merely complaining about things, without evincing any desire to actually fix them.)

The problem wasn't Kevin's "need to be right", the problem was Kevin wanted to have a conversation with someone who could become an ally in the effort to fix a problem, and all you wanted to do was have a rant.

Here is where things went irredeemably wrong "Of course I am saying that. It's my blog. It is the place where I can say I want EVERYTHING to suit my preferences."

It's not possible to have a conversation with someone who's saying that. "Conversation" implies an exchange between two (or more) people, each of who's opinions and concerns are treated as having value. What you said roughly translates to "it's all about me. Everyone else can screw off."

Now, at that point, Kevin should have said "irrational whiny bitch, I'm out of here" (see, that would be me "name calling"). He didn't. Instead, he let himself be dragged down to your level.

It's a classic man - woman problem. Woman just wants to vent, man hears it and wants to "problem solve". Ah, well.

[kevin-standlee.livejournal.com]

You replied to the top-level post, not to her reply, so she may not see it. But it hardly matters. We're men, so we're automatically wrong, and she's a victim, so she's automatically right. Argument has nothing to do with it.

You may well have a point about the problem-solver versus venting problem, though. It's not at all easy for me to hear about problems without wanting to try and do something about them, and even when intellectually I know the person is just trying to vent their spleen, it raises my blood pressure to not be able to Do Something.

[trinsf.livejournal.com]

I've responded, and I'm a woman. I'm also more steeped in the rhetoric she's trying to use than she is; I'm higher up the feminist food chain, so to speak. Not that it really matters.

You know, just keep being who you are being. I've been abused, I've known abusers, and manipulators, and all sorts of Bad Men, and you are delightfully, refreshingly not one of them. You're one of the Good Guys.

[kevin-standlee.livejournal.com]

Thank you! That really does make me feel better. I'll try to dial it back a little bit.

[dancingguy.livejournal.com]

Nope, I was one of the comments she deleted on her blog. I was a big meanie. I said things like this: "Conversations start from the perspective that other people matter, too. Your comments in the thread showed a complete disregard for the opinions and desires of anyone but yourself."

Problem solving v. venting. Like a said, you're a guy. We want to fix it, not just vent about it. In the last decade or so I've gotten much better about recognizing the signs of when that's happening. Online, I'll just go away. In person, it's a bit more challenging. :-)